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At 30 age I have already so many regrets, what it will be when I become 60 years old?

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A narration of a young girl telling her life story

Several days back around 8:00 pm when I was sitting at home beside my laptop as
usual , the door knocked. I opened and I saw my friend, behind her was that girl-Feruza
I was waiting for a long time. At the end she accepted my request. Feruza was an
interesting personality for me , when I saw her first time. Cute girl with joyful and positive
character, courageous and direct person , junior student of our College who came to study
from abroad . From outside she looked like happy and cheerful girl not having any problems
in life , full with adventures, enjoying the life . In 2 years of study there were so many
adventures with her we saw and heard , that I interested in her .Once my College friend Mira
who close with her told that you don't know her in reality,through what she passed and how
she came here. You are not aware how much she is crazy at the same time brave, that much
risky girl that can take such actions no matter whatever happen afterwards. She increased
my curiosity and I requested her to tell that I want to write about her story. Next day she
came with news that she doesn't want to share her personal life to public.Our study year
passed full with classes and exams . A day before when Mira told me that she has
good news for me - I didn't expect that It will be she. After 2 years she decided to open and
tell me her life. I made a warm tea for us and she started telling. Here is the story:

P.S  changed the names in story as per the request of interviewee.



- Now when I look back, I am seeing so many mistakes, unthoughtful deeds, unexperienced
life spent for nothing….I feel every step I took followed by another mistake. It seems like I lost
my way. I am confused, like in the labyrinth. My mistakes pulling me down.
I cant think soberly, unable to come out from the depression I am in. Becoming angry
easily, frustrated, assaulting to closed ones, as if they are guilty?!
Of course, I think the reasons, judge myself why I am so much stressed today? I was happy
a year ago?What changed? I was thinking I become free, abandoned from that tough life
with family, each year working and living without change .. he reason perhaps because I stayed
in a right way now, or I don't have further goal, or feeling lonely, cos totally left alone; maybe
there is no one left around me to pour my soul, my pains?; maybe it is because It is time
already to back to that previous life? ;why life being difficult to handle day by day ???
Though I scare to say something to anyone, you can’t believe anyone at present. I know
already what it happens when you believe someone & share your secrets.
Believe doesn't have value today!


I think, what is this- that I am sorrowful for my past life, all my steps even the last just as
I decided to change by reason studying abroad didn't impact that much ?I thought, if I follow
my heart now, I will not spend the rest of my life regretting. yes, 2 years , I lived independently,
free of duties, forgetting everything like youngsters. However, again I come to the beginning!
It means , I didn't think enough well about my actions when I was taking decisions. I don't take
step thoroughly? I am easy- going person , doing everything for namesake.


When I was coming here, I was sure and believed that my life will change! The most significant
thing I need is- freedom? If I obtain this I can do many things!

I got it! I become free (another misstep). I broke previous bonds, hurt my family -ashamed
them beside my family, forget about my duties , run from that society as I was tired of that
type of living. Now I see again I took incorrect step!  Let me tell you the whole story one by
one that you can judge me actions as well!


( ....to be continued )

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