At 30 age I have already so many regrets, what it will be when I become 60 years old?

 BLOG SERIAL
  A narration of a young girl telling her life story
Previous publication you can find in a blog

Family life
For those people who broke up in life once is so difficult and most of the time impossible to reach previous level again.

__ I am an elder daughter  in my family.Before starting

my story let me speak first a little about my family. As family is my everything , my life story begins from here  . My family is my strength and my weakness. We live in one of the beautiful villages of our country. We have a big house and it is awesome. How much care and time my father has  spent for this house inherited to him by my grandfather ( as per the tradition, it should be given to elder son- my uncle) .This house was for a long time the most beautiful and sample one for people though nowadays there more better houses already available in our village .

My father-  an outstanding person I have ever seen in my life. He always will be example among fathers and simply as a human
being for me . He is a person who achieved a remarkable respect for his nice personality among
our  society people , the person who passed and managed a long way of success, obtained a
high positions in his professional career. ( he is economist) I remember that days , we all
family moved to a new bought flat in a

city- when he became a chief manager in his work- Tax Service.  How much he was happy and successful at that periods: more guests , more friends , more people around us, more money, high class life….It continued until I finished my high school and was preparing for my higher education. At that time due to my uncles disrespect in a meeting to one of the high post person in Republic - they were fired from their jobs ( 3 of my uncles and my father worked in one sphere).  After this occurrence my father worked for a short periods in different places. He was outraged, sad and broke up. Money shortage slowly increased in our family , my father sold and changed his car several times.In 25 years of experience in his work he didn't obtain anything: no money, no any property - except the flat we were living and his car. We had to move back to our village. As my elder uncle was the head of the Village Council and control of the Pilgrimage in our area   was on his hand , he gave us his chayxana - cafe to utilize until we stand up again.

For those people who broke up in life once is so difficult and most of the time impossible to reach
previous level again. I imagine again and again my fathers face and condition at that moments ,
- so many sorrows,regrets , pains you could read from his face. Sometimes I want to sit beside
him, to talk long and long, to know his thoughts , especially

regrets , everything he carries  inside. It is for that not to repeat his mistakes, for that to fulfill his dreams turned into regrets . I always was and wanted to be beside my father to hold his hand, to support him .How much I persuaded him that we will be great again, however year by year the problems were increased but not decreased. Now already I believe that it was impossible. In particular, with my father’s situation.How many times he tried to change everything , unfortunately because of no any proper support from his family , children as they don’t know anything except waiting when someone else do the work for them. ( always  he did all works instead of us just to protect from difficulties, unfortunately it served vise versa -we didn't learn anything in life and still all of us
didn't find our way yet). At that times no true friends , no relatives left around my father to support. So much lended money from people effected, we couldn’t return them every year on time and people lost belief. 4 years work in my uncles chayxana in pilgrimage didn’t give that much changes in our life. We bought a car every time for our earned seasonal money, as it is difficult without transport nowadays and sold again when we need money or mostly for created issues by my brothers.

Misfortune never comes alone

During these periods my father was proposed
a work in the Uranium Production Company in
our city and he accepted. He is still working
in this job.In winter he shifts to a flat near
his work place and in summer he goes daily
from our village house. After my uncles
chayxana we went to the uppest place
of the Pilgrimage and all 4 of us worked there
every season. At the beginning we worked like
street sellers, in 2 years we built our own
shop in that uppest spot. This seasonal work also gave us good money if we worked all together.  However, as my father always said, misfortune never comes alone, In 2-3 years , even we didn’t manage to expand yet, with the order of District Minister they destroyed

our shop with the reason we should make documents, pay taxes, buy land etc. We turned into a street
sellers again. During winter periods my father did his best to provide us until we reach spring, the
seasonal work again. Each year going like this now. Today we are not that cool family who can get
everything easily and do everything they want, we are common as others, not poor- but middle class
family who living normally among other people. And our prestige also accordingly.

What I will tell about my mother?  She is a common woman who didn’t get education,
but is very neat and clean , hard-working , perhaps a little crazy in nature like me.  I remember her
always gets up early in the morning and finishes her works before breakfast. Makes breakfast and
see everyone : father and children off to their works and studies. She is a typical Asian woman in
every meaning , doesn’t having an idea in how ones should live in life , finding their place.. and doesn’t
bother that much about this also .She just follows the rules and duties of wife and as a mother, and

that’s all.  

I have so many things inside for my father , I want to take him somewhere
far let him take rest from all these problems
occupied him- this is my dream ! At least
once give him chance to feel something
better in this his rigorous life . Unfortunately,
I just say in words as my friend says ,
no action until now. I myself didn’t
find my way up to now, doesn’t have a
normal work even, just wasting my years
with somethings not important .

Author: __From words of Firuza I grab one thing here that her love to her farther is so great ,
values a lot and feeling sad for him. She spoke with so much emotions about him, every his habits,
his words still keeping in mind, his generosity and attitude that she admires.She is proud that she is
her fathers daughter and looks like him by nature. That dream she stated relating her father is like
a lifetime goal for her, reasserting that she should hurry with this as father's health is not good
these days...

( ...to be continued)